The first year...

Sometimes things happen in life that you can’t explain. It could be the end of something or the beginning of another, depending on your interpretation. Someone may come into your life for a moment, they may hold no particular meaning—but those they bring to you might be the ones that hold the key.

When I was learning how to get by on my own, I met someone who changed my perspective on everything. He made me laugh, he listened to me, and he became my best friend.  Two years ago, when he told me he loved me, I just looked at him and asked “are you sure?” And he just smiled and kissed me. The night before our wedding, we shared a special moment and he said something I will never forget.

A few people were surprised by our decision to get married as quickly as we did. A few assumed we were expecting (which we weren’t). I had cold feet and didn’t think I could go through with the wedding.  A select few even tried to talk me out of getting married. Needless to say, we went through with it, and it has been by far, they best decision I have ever made.

Of course, we have our moments. Who doesn’t? I get upset because he forgets to take out the trash or because he plays the Xbox a little too much sometimes. He gets upset because I used his favorite razor or because I left some hair in the bathtub. What matters is the way we deal with our problems. I know many that don’t deal with the problems as they arise and push them under the rug until you can’t help but notice it in the middle of the floor! When it comes to the important things in our lives, I am glad to know that my husband always has my back and I always have his.

Here is to our first crazy, trying, insightful, interesting, wonderful, year of marriage with many, MANY more to come!!

POOF!! 40 pounds..Gone forever :)

Well, I wish it was more like a "poof" then I could do away with the rest of the weight I am so desperatly trying to get rid of! Though, I haven't been working out as hard as I was when I started, I am very proud of hitting my first goal. Things around my house have been crazy the past few weeks and are starting to get back to normal--well, as normal as they can get in our household!

This week, I started working out pretty hard again. I'm doing different things 5 days a week instead of just 2, like I let myself get talked into. One of my good friends gave me some new things to try, which I have been doing and I am loving it! In the beginning, I hated the feeling of my abs burning, the shakiness when I walked up from the work out room, and the wet hair sticking to my face, but now...These are all things I am starting to enjoy. It means I did good, I am suceeding in what I set out to do and I am loving the results...not to mention, so is my husband :)

Now it's time to set another goal. I'd like to drop another 50 by March. Of course, that is 7 months away, so I need to average 7 pounds a month lost..Once I hit this goal--I will be rewarding myself by going skydiving!! I have wanted to do this for SO long! I cannot wait :) 


"The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph!" Marvin Phillips

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference"

So, the past few weeks have really been taking a toll on me. I started a 2nd job, not because we need the money, but because it was the only postion that was open in a facility I have been trying to get into for about 3 years...I finish classes this past week for the summer--I barely passed my class..but, I DID IT! Now I get a 6 week break. My parents have finally (for then billionth time) have decided to end their 20-ish year long marriage. My 13 year old is visiting for the summer (you'd think she was next in line for a daytime Emmy...)And my husband and I are starting the adoption process for him to adopt my 5 year old daughter. WHEW...

I like to be in control. What can I say. I'm used to it. So, when my mom told me what was going on at her house, I took it upon myself to help her carry the burden of her failed marriage. She moved 3 hours away to be with family, and James and I opened our home to my 16 year old brother. As of right now, he is only here for the summer, but that might change...the jury is still out on that one. He doesn't do much of anything..good or bad. He sleeps, eats, and poops..kinda like a REALLY tall toddler that is potty trained.

This past weekend was an extremely hard one for me. I was told by the courts to try to contact and locate Isabella's biological father to see if he would sign the termination of parental rights papers. Well, after much deliberation (with myself) I facebooked him. Yup, I send an inbox on facebook. Of course, I didn't think he would respond. I mean, it's been over 3 years since he has seen her, and probably about 4 years since he has even cared. Of course, he replied and pretty much told me that since he has "found God" he now wants to be a dad. Ummmm..can you say little too late!? Its had not to let it get to me. To know I have raised my daughter for 3 years by myself, I remarry and get my life back together and he comes flying in on his Bible thinking he is superior...why because he seen God..or has a sponsor? I came to a realization 3 years, 4 months, and 5 days ago. If I wanted to stay alive and give my daughter any kind of life--I needed to get out and run. RUN as far away as I possibly could and never look back. Now look at my life. I have a wonderful husband, 3 great kids, a decent job, a nice car, a roof over our heads, food on the table..and I finally am close to getting my college degree. What more could I ask for...?

What's one more thing to add to the plate?!

No, I don't mean the dinner plate either. I was offered a part time position at a local facility that I have been trying to get into since I moved to Grand Rapids, 3 years ago. I accepted the job offer with open arms but am racking my brain trying to figure out how the hell I am going to swing everything. This is the type facility that you take what you are offered and move up. So, here I am starting out as a receptionist..but in due time, I will be able to put my degree to use. I am sure of it. In the mean time...my kids are driving me nuts, my husband is too. I want to go for a bike ride..but I don't have a bike.*hmph* Maybe that is what I will reward myself with later on? Sounds like a plan :)

"It hurts up to a point and then it doesn't get any worse." -Ann Trason

I jumped on the "let's eat healthy" bandwagon and I’m on the “workout, workout, workout” one too. How many bandwagons can I be a part of? First of all just so you know, I DESPISE running. I don't like how my legs rub together, I don't like hearing my feet hit the pavement. I hate sweating. I don’t like other people to see me working out and I especially don't like my heart beating so frivolously that it feels like my chest might explode at any given moment.

On Saturday I promised my daughter a nice bike ride around the park. So I grabbed my HRM, a pony tail holder, and my sunglasses. I’ll be damned if I will let anyone see me as I decide to try this running thing. I thought about the C25K run. So I thought okay, after 5 minutes of walking, I will jog a little. By this time, I was on the main street walking up a slight hill to the park, so I decided I’d wait and run though the park. When we got to the side walk that runs though the park, it was very uneven and bumpy, sooo…I thought I’d wait until it go smoothed out a bit. Now, I’m about 20 minutes into my walk and finally I thought, okay..I’ll give this a try. I started jogging slightly. Staying just a head of my daughter. C25K you are supposed to warm up for 5 minutes, jog 60 seconds, walk for 90 seconds..and so on. This is supposed to go on for a total of 30 minutes. Does anyone know how long 60 seconds is? When you think you are dying…it seems to go on forever. I was only able to make it for 3 intervals before I thought screw this…I look like an idiot, and my legs already hurt.

Before you start thinking, oh look, she already gave up-you’re wrong. Today, I do plan on doing it again. I will stretch before I go, I will walk only for 5 minutes and I will at least do the 3 intervals again. Maybe even 4. Hey..it’s a start, and everyone has to have a beginning.



What is the point of running around my neighborhood…letting all my neighbors see me at my worst? Breathing heavy, sweaty, messy hair, smeared makeup..or none? REALLY? I have this friend who INSISTS on telling me I need to run with her. Jog, run, do a 5K, a marathon, something. So to hush her up, I agreed to do a 5K in October. She vowed to wow me with vodka if I did it. WTF did I get myself into?

The girl on the box..

My new years resolution was not only to lose weight, but stick with whatever I chose to do. At first, I was just watching what I would eat. From the plate it went to my mouth. My friends (and strangers) often ask "what was your ah-HA moment-why did you decide to do this" Well, two things happened. The first was my 5 year old daughter drew a picture of me, her daddy, and her. She pointed it that she was 'straight' (hence her stick figure drawing and her being skinny) and her daddy and I weren't. We had round bodies-much like eggs. I just kinda laughed at first-because she's 5. What the hell does she know!? Then the next day, we were playing outside-well, she was and I was watching. She wanted to play hopscotch. So I got down and helped her make a board and she wanted me to play. After only hopping those 10 squares, falling over when I tried to pick up the stone, and giving myself a concussion from my boobs hitting me in the face, I went in the house and cried.

How did I let myself get this way? I NEVER used to be this big, unhealthy, and let's face it...Lazy. It was time for a change. My 30th birthday was coming up and I told my husband I wanted an elliptical. The wonderful husband I have, got me one.

I thought I would LOVE having an elliptical.

The girl on the box made it look so effortless-as she stands on it, looking cute in her work out clothes, flat tummy, fresh makeup, and not one hair out of place-not to mention she isn’t even sweating. After my first work out, I go upstairs and gulp down a bottle of water, walk by my husband who is laying on the couch watching TV and eating a huge mixing bowl full of ice cream-when I turn, I about scream when I see myself in the mirror. Bright red face, sweat dripping off me, my hair matted to my forehead, and sticking up everywhere. What the hell? Where did the girl from the box go?!